This post isn’t typical of my other writings, no funny quips or quotes, but it is a difficult and important topic to discuss. I don’t have a lot to offer on the subject that hasn’t already been said. I have, however, lost a few friends and our country has lost some great talent due to suicide. It is a very tragic thing and the feelings that the living are left with are overwhelming. There is grief, sadness, guilt and anger. We often feel that we somehow failed the deceased person. We feel angry at them because suicide seems to be a very selfish act, then we feel guilty again for feeling angry.  It is an act that is seldom understood with many unanswered question. This post may ramble as I am still wondering why a person would give up. In the words of Sophia ” If I were dying, I’d want every paramedic in town jumping up and down on my chest.”  Suicide is a choice that I will never understand, but one that needs to be discussed.

In season 5 of the Golden Girls Sophia and her friend Martha return from a funeral and Martha is very distraught because deceased was her best friend.  Her friend had some health issues that caused her great suffering in her final days.

Fast forward a couple of days… Martha invites Sophia to dinner to inform her that she has many health problems, doesn’t want to suffer like her friend and that she intends to take her own life. She asks Sophia to be with her when she does this.  Sophia agrees, but has reservations that keep her up at night. She wants to be there for her friend, yet she views her presence as murder.

She shows up at Martha’s house, but instead of sitting by while Martha kills herself, Sophia talks with her about all the reasons that she has to live and promises to be there for her.

I share this episode because I have recently lost another friend to suicide and I wonder what causes a person to give up hope. In Martha’s case, she felt lonely and didn’t want to die alone.  She wanted to feel in control of her life. she told Sophia that ” she feared suffering and didn’t want to die by inches.”  I don’t understand this kind of hopelessness, but I do know that it can happen to anyone. Suicide does not discriminate, it doesn’t recognize social status, gender, color or fame.

Suicide is not a mental illness, it is the final stage of hopelessness. It is not something that can be diagnosed, when it happens it is always too late. I have no words of wisdom to prevent it and I am no expert on the topic. It often strikes the people who seem the strongest. When a celebrity takes his or her life, people are often stunned. They have fame, money, and friends and we often wonder how could things be so bad to want to leave this world?

A person can feel alone even in a crowd. There are warning signs of suicide, but they are often subtle and we need to actively look for them. If you have a friend that talks about being a burden, feeling trapped or hopeless, be there for them and just as Sophia did remind them of the reasons to live. A change in behavior is often a warning sign. A person with suicidal thoughts often withdraws from social activity, increases their use of alcohol, or starts contacting old friends or family members to profess their love or to give away prized possessions. The persons mood can change, sometimes it improves because in their eyes they can finally see improvement in the form of their death. Health diagnosis, depression, job loss, divorce or exposure to another suicide can trigger suicidal thoughts.

One thing I do know is that we need to be better friends. Often when someone takes their own life, we wonder “what could I have done? Why didn’t I call or answer the phone?” If someone is set on leaving this world behind, there isn’t much that we can do. We can, however, be there for them making the world a place that they don’t want to leave. Often a kind word or an invitation for coffee can make all the difference in a person’s life. If you have a friend or family member that has a sudden change in mood or has experienced a loss, be there for them. Ask questions, listen and offer them hope and most importantly follow through.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to others. Don’t give up, keep calling until someone listens.

There is no one answer to preventing suicide, but being aware of the people around us and doing what we can to give them self-worth is one step that we can take. Sometimes it’s the quiet person at work, the outgoing girl at school or it could be the handsome guy at the gym. As I said before, suicide knows no boundaries. Rich, poor, socialite or loner, it can happen with or without warning. All that we can really do and must do, is pay attention, look for  warning signs in others and in ourselves. If you feel overwhelmed or hopeless, call a friend, call your clergy, or call the prevention hotline:  1-800-273- 8255.  Keep this number written down or put it in your contacts. It could save your life or the life of a friend.

Until Next Time…Thank You for Being a Friend

MLG