There are several episodes of The Golden Girls where they struggle with friendship. Dorothy often finds her life in the house to be boring and mundane, Rose wants everyone to like her and often goes overboard only to be rejected. Blanche has few female friends outside of her roommates and Sophia often deals with friends dying or moving away.  Often one of them is feeling lonely and rejected, but always find a way to overcome with the help of the other three.

I have always struggled to make meaningful friendships. As I sit here alone watching the girls I often wonder why I can’t seem to make many lasting friends. I thought about each of the girls personalities and have come up with a few thoughts to shed light on my problem.  I have said before that my least favorite character on the show is Dorothy. Maybe this is because I am most like her. Dorothy is strong, outspoken and often speaks her mind at the expense of alienating others. I don’t like that I have this trait, but it is what it is. About three days after starting what turned out to be one of my most favorite jobs, I was overwhelmed by all of the friendly ladies coming to my office to join birthday groups, coffees clubs, fundraisers, etc…  I, out loud by the way, announced, “I am here to work, not join groups or make friends.”  The message was loud and clear and needless to say, I had very few work friends.

In one particular episode where Rose joined a group that encouraged positive thinking and self-love, Dorothy and Sophia attended a meeting with her. Dorothy stood up and told them what a bunch smiling nut-jobs they were and that life is not all peaches and cream. The speaker told her that she was too negative and chose only to see the negative in the world instead of what is right about it. More than I care to admit, that’s how I often look at life.

My life isn’t dreadful and I do have happy times, but I do often find myself actively looking for the negative in people and situations. I typically do this when I am in new surroundings. Since I began traveling with my husband, my surroundings change often and I have really struggled with having a more positive outlook. I have met a few people who I enjoy talking with, but not anyone that I would consider a friend.

I have always been somewhat of a negative Nelly and before it never really bothered me. I had my family and a few close friends that accepted me flaws and all. Now that I am older, I find my attitude toward people changing and I long for meaningful friendships. I am not sure how to make friends and it may be too late for me.

What it’s not too late for is to just be a better person. I want to be that person that is always smiling. I want to be the one that is helpful and kind. I guess I want to be Rose, not Dorothy!

In one episode Rose was having a problem at work. One of her co-workers didn’t like her. The others didn’t see this as a huge problem. Rose told them that everyone always likes her. She said,  “Dorothy, you’re the smart one, Blanche is the sexy one, Sophia is the old one and I am the nice one.”.  That’s what I want, I want to be the nice one.

Being nice seems to come naturally to some and is a struggle for others. I have always tended to fall into the latter category. I have been paying close attention to how I interact with strangers and have found that although I smile and chat, I don’t actively listen. It’s natural for people to talk about themselves and often instead of listening they are thinking about what they want to say next. I am guilty of this but am trying to listen more and talk less.

I have been practicing this approach on people who I have met here. I am actually enjoying it. I have learned a lot about other people, all the while keeping things about myself a mystery. It is quite fun to learn about others, but I often find myself asking questions as if I am interviewing them. To my husband these types of conversations come naturally. He can ask questions that engage people without it feeling like an interrogation. I suppose that is what makes him a good leader and boss. I ask him how he does this and he said that people love to talk about themselves and if you just open the door with one good question they will take the lead.

The place that we are living at now is very pet friendly. I have found this to be a great ice breaker. I tried my husbands tactic by asking just one question about my neighbors pet and she opened up about her dog, her cat and the stray that she feeds.  I really enjoyed listening to her speak about something that she is passionate about. The conversation was great and she really lit up talking about her pets.

Speaking of pets, I suppose that you really can teach an old dog (me) new tricks. I know that it’s a little late in my life and traveling isn’t the perfect situation to make lasting friendships, but its worth a try. If nothing else, I can smile, ask a good question and maybe bring a bit of joy to someone’s day.

Until Next Time…Thank You For Being a Friend

MLG