Being a good mom is a topic that is hidden deep in many episodes of the Golden Girls.  If you don’t watch them daily as I do, you might miss some of the wisdom, mistakes and triumphs of motherhood that they present.

Our mothers shape our values, our world views and our personalities. I am not going to discuss what makes a good or bad mother, although I firmly disbelieve the facebook memes insisting that sticky floors, unmade beds and heaping laundry makes for a better mom…but I digress

When I was growing up we had chores. We didn’t have a lot of chores, mainly because my mom was quite the perfectionist and if it were to be done correctly it had to be done by her. ( a trait that I inherited and am not sure if it is a good or bad thing). She did, however, teach us to do things. We were often responsible for drying and putting away dishes. Washing them was quite the promotion because they had to be done “right” and that took time, practice and skill. I didn’t do laundry or make a bed until I was about 17.

I raised my kids the same way. They had chores like picking up toys, taking out trash and helping fold towels. I, unlike my mother, had a dishwasher and loading it was equivalent to her washing skills, it had to be done by me.

My kids had many privileges, but they also had responsibility. They grew up in the time before every five year old had a cellphone or a tablet. They did have video games and televisions in their rooms. This was a bone of contention with some other parents that I knew. One even asked me “How can you send them to their room if its a place that they enjoy?” My reply ” I don’t, I send them to the dungeon or the snake pit in the back yard.” (I can be pretty snarky at times) In actuality,  when they were teenagers, we usually just had a yelling match, came to a common ground, said I love you  and then it was over.

I never understood the “send them to their room” thing. It’s their room, it should be a place of comfort and the one place in the house that is theirs, not mom and dads.  That was one thing  that I did differ from my mom. Growing up my room was just a place where I slept in her house.  Toys were kept in the basement or outside. In high school I was allowed to put posters on the wall to make it mine,  but over all it was ” her house, her rules.”

We all get just one mom. Yes, many have step moms, aunts that are like moms, foster moms, adopted moms, heck, nowadays some have two moms or two dads.  My point is that we all have that one person that nurtured us the most, that raised us and shaped us into who we are today.  I am so thankful for my mom. She was sometimes hard on me and other times she’d let me get by with murder. ( gotta love me, I’m the baby!) I was pretty close to my mom, we talked every day for most of my life. Now that she is gone, I often find myself wanting to call her whenever something really good or really bad happens.  She was always my go to person during a crisis or a celebration.

If you are fortunate enough to have your mom still around, go see her!  If miles are separating you, write her a letter. Visits “just because” and handwritten letters are becoming a thing of the past, but to a mom they cherished moments and keepsakes. My boys visited last week “just because” and my daughter will be visiting this weekend. We had nothing planned for either visit, it’s “just a visit” and I love that.

This page has rambled a bit and I apologize. I am just missing my mom. I have missed her every day since she passed in 2009. As we approach Mother’s day I find myself thinking about her more often.  I’ll share one favorite memory of my mom and then I’ll close.

My mom loved red geraniums’. It seemed that we always planted them on Mother’s Day. Two big pots in the front yard and several on the back porch in the flower boxes that my dad made for her. Since her passing, I always try to plant geraniums’ on or near Mothers’ day.  I think they are beautiful, but mostly it reminds me of my mom. I hope that she is smiling down and is proud of who I have become.

Happy Mothers’ Day

Thank you for being a friend!

MG